1. |
bedlam (intro)
00:46
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I was born a bedlam
Beneath the dichotomy of two tongues
The weight of an uncertain face
and a place I go in and out of confidently calling home
The noises change but what's being said stays relatively the same
“Your name is your name, bear it”
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2. |
low key
02:29
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Neglecting things that need attention
I still see remnants of that hopeless prayer
Bare
Send a signal, launch a flare
Ones I call blood need no mention,
Precipitation in the hazy air
Complications wrought with lazy care,
we know
Setting sun breaks the surface of the ocean
Moon ushers in another tide
Another rise, another fall
After all, things find a way given time
Sleep more lucid than my reality
Bitter in between every stride
Ran out of places to hide
Slowly embracing the bind like
“No, stop chasing that ghost”
When I breathe heavy it's all I see
It's that same song
I hate to be wrong
But it feels better to keep arms reach
I keep it low key
Let it go, let it be
Set it free like ash butterfree
Little crash course on subtlety
As it leaves
Simple things, little weights
Carry on, learn to break
Little dirt on the name
Learn to know your turn to shoulder blame
A fall fit for a king
Or a fake crown of relief
Or a hero’s death end of scene
Or you cut through it all with zig zag like a bishop move
Brittle bones gone missing, still in tune
Solace found
Intermission
Different rhythm when it blooms
No, stop chasing that ghost
When I breathe heavy it's all I see
It's that same song
I hate to be wrong
But it feels better to keep arms reach
I keep it low key
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3. |
blood
02:38
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I dipped my soul in the water
Let it cover my spirit
I kept that thought under the current
Just so no one could hear it
Found a frequency in the interference,
But never clear if i should hold back
Why we always hold back?
Bite my tongue and decorate my shirt with the blood
We speak in secret, still exchanging hugs
Answers came in rain from above
Moment of silence for the prodigal son
Won’t stop
Let it breathe
So it goes
End scene
We don’t question why
We just hope for better luck next time
Reasons only good enough on the wrong day
Tripping into old ways
Keeping ‘em for always
Predisposed to try
We just hold ‘til better off drifts by
Reasons only good enough on the wrong day
Tripping into old ways
Keeping ‘em for always
“Who took the fall?”
“I can’t recall, just sleep it off”
You can barely feel the silence lost
Honest to fault
Who’s counting wrongs?
We ain’t involved
We’re just singing songs of a time before
The scales were tipped
Justice hushed with her blindfold
I had to dip
I couldn’t proceed with my eyes closed
Oil floats, but blood sinks slow
Won’t stop
Let it breathe
So it goes
End scene
We don’t question why
We just hope for better luck next time
Reasons only good enough on the wrong day
Tripping into old ways
Keeping ‘em for always
Predisposed to try
We just hold ‘til better off drifts by
Reasons only good enough on the wrong day
Tripping into old ways
Keeping ‘em for always
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4. |
too many
03:15
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I don’t know what it means
I’ve seen too many go
And I ain’t seen,
What you know bout my too many wrongs,
They say, “hey, let it go”
I’ve got too many ghosts
Yeah, I’ve got too many ghosts
I’ve had too many late nights by myself
Thoughts in a well
Spring like fire,
Out the gate I was thinking,
“Hell, if this ain’t it?”
What’s the meaning of personal wealth?
What’s the feeling I’m dealing with, still?
Why do I let myself be myself?
(wait a minute)
Count ‘em 60 on a clock that’s broken
Lens on the world out of focus
Plague rolled through like the locust
On my eighth day,
Get a grip quick, handbrakes
A hope, a glimpse, a prayer, a promise
I found the back and forth dishonest
I kept my mouth closed through the calmness
I don’t know what it means
I’ve seen too many go
And I ain’t seen,
What you know bout my too many wrongs,
They say, “hey, let it go”
I’ve got too many ghosts
Yeah, I’ve got too many ghosts
Little more of a little less, somewhere in between
Little slice of happiness in hopeless dreams
Middle ground to what I found and how it seems
Split thoughts, pulling straws out of seams
All our parables are those punk songs that we heard as teens
Lately I can feel it all surrounding me
Found home in the dissonance, the boundary
Never felt it made sense, I just chose to circumvent
Found my motivation in the discontent
Found my motivation in the discontent
The discontent
I don’t know what it means
I’ve seen too many go
And I ain’t seen,
What you know bout my too many wrongs,
They say, “hey, let it go”
I’ve got too many ghosts
Yeah, I’ve got too many ghosts
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5. |
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6. |
still
03:27
|
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I was hoping for snow, so I had a good excuse
Cause this staying still, never leave the house
Got me tripping out
I’ll put this mania to use
Another barrier to truth
Used to own the sky like I was Zeus
Lightning through the roof
Stars aligned in view
Slipped my way on through winter blues
It was a different time, different state of mind
Different person in the mirror
But these ticking hands slow dance
Romanticized thoughts seem less severe
Licking all my wounds to the tune of my inner dialogue
Let another monologue go unheard
Clear mind, but the world burns
Clear mind, but the world burns
Still
Everything was gone and got lost in the waves
Yet I couldn’t wait for the world to know
It was all a wreck
It was all direct, saying,
“We were all just blessed to know”
Still my mother’s son
Still the same kid
Still an older brother
Still uncertain
Still ain’t sure of shit
Still sing songs of melancholy
Still my father’s blood
Still the same friend
Still content alone
Still on the mend
I don’t sleep right when the dream’s too vivid
Loose images used to help me with the numb
Eyes open, eyes shut
Shut open
Lost sight, all blurred into one
Closed circle
Where’d it start?
How’d it close?
I don’t know
In a daze, wishing I was still kissing clouds
In and out I woke up to the sun
I kept infinity on pause, but infinity came back
Taste still burned into my tongue
Lungs cracked but still in tact
Licking all my wounds to the tune of my inner dialogue
Let another monologue go unheard
Still see it all as it turns slowly
Still much to learn
Still
Everything was gone and got lost in the waves
Yet I couldn’t wait for the world to know
It was all a wreck
It was all direct, saying,
“We were all just blessed to know”
Still my mother’s son
Still the same kid
Still an older brother
Still uncertain
Still ain’t sure of shit
Still sing songs of melancholy
Still my father’s blood
Still the same friend
Still content alone
Still on the mend
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7. |
aligned (interlude)
00:39
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Each and every moment, counted one by one
But weighed down by momentum
Years of neglect and missed steps
Kept on a shelf to be looked at with nostalgia
Through the eyes of youth and false pride
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8. |
if and only
03:14
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Used to kick fly shit, cause I was on some fly shit
Now I'm on some do or die
29, just starting to feel alive shit
Mind a mosh pit
Heard my chemicals out of balance
I’ve been walking the line since
Hit my first L on sunrise westbound at 16
Thoughts left benign
Home to momma with demon eyes
Life without meaning til you learn to see the signs
Sometimes you make do with what you find
Back in high school
Daydreaming ‘bout a girl who smokes weed and bumps Wu
Found one who likes Tribe, calls me out on my bullshit
Got my back. She don't ask when to come through
Holds me down like the real ones do
It’s the times, it’s the times - got me watching my health
I started making my decisions in stealth
Mouth closed, eyes open
Thoughts different than the child that I was
Found the less I hold onto, the less I give up
The less I hold onto, the less I give up
Let it pass, let it pass
Just to feel it enough
It’s a cold place
Regardless I'm always steady with the hold
Let it burn from that low praise
I was submarine to their wave through the dog days
Now I maneuver through chatter like,
“Hey batter, batter”
I might hit it like Pablo, Pete Wheeler when I go
Used to hop fences to get away from the 5-0
Homies on their skater shit, me I couldn't skate for shit
Just wanted to take part
Years before I made art
Expression of self or a lesson in self reflection?
Still rolling logs, neglecting that text message
Chill with the talk while making that first impression
But I ain't trying to impress, nah these are confessions
Live with a weight on my mind, yeah them heavy heavy thoughts
Taking losses like a knight, three up and two across
Redefinition of trust, the peace of mind is a plus
The less i hold onto, the less i give up
The less I hold onto, the less I give up
Let it pass, let it pass
Just to feel it enough
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9. |
collateral
02:57
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This ain’t how it’s supposed to be
Theirs over mine, heavy weight on who I wanna be
Every thought deserves to breathe
A thought is just a thought ‘til it’s free of its canopy
Satellite Magnemite
Float around each other like, out of sight out of mind
Still in my periphery
Inexplicable synergy
Collateral debility, sacrificial stability
Tranquility rare like Celebi
I heard angels singing while I fell asleep
Woke up to your demons picking feathers from my dreams
Another celebration for a false sense of peace
You left behind your empathy buried in the debris
What’s it mean?
I know we’ve been told,
“We ain’t got no time to hold onto lies”
Wish I was clean of all this belief
Wish I was clean of all this
“Pieces we let go, we ain’t got no time to go back and find”
Wish I was clean of all this belief
WIsh I was clean of
I’m a tree in a forest on a trail to a mountaintop
Something that you’ll see as you pass through
“If you ain’t got something that we need, then you past due”
Check the wreckage for past lessons
Found ‘em burned, lost, buried
“A necessary cost of progress, I guess”
Was it really?
Man, this year kicked my god damn ass
What’s that high you got there?
How long’s that last?
Heard laughs, “Bout as long as that shadow you cast”
Cold facts
Sign on the wall says this too shall pass
Woke up to your demons picking feathers from my dreams
Another celebration for a false sense of peace
You left behind your empathy buried in the debris
What’s it mean?
I know we’ve been told,
“We ain’t got no time to hold onto lies”
Wish I was clean of all this belief
Wish I was clean of all this
“Pieces we let go, we ain’t got no time to go back and find”
Wish I was clean of all this belief
WIsh I was clean of
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||||
10. |
appreciate (interlude)
00:45
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11. |
oxygen
02:37
|
|||
Breathe our love in slow
My loneliness fades when your heart’s in close
We’ll carry this weight through the highs and lows
My oxygen dose
Talk to me
This ain’t no bump in the road, we’ve just got to breathe
Nearly fell through the floor
Constantly still harboring
These feelings that we’ve got to free
They hide and seek
We hold out for a long night
Ready always
Petty for the whole time,
Trade it for a cold gaze
Steady for the hold tight
That’s my old face
Mind full of landmines
Never mind, all great
Say it’s about us
Say it’s about us
You always find a way to trust in me
It just seems it’s our luck
We still seem to hold up
Breathe our love in slow
My loneliness fades when your heart’s in close
We’ll carry this weight through the highs and lows
My oxygen dose
Talk to me
Stay and talk to me
Setting fire to my poems just to calmly sleep
I know you hold me down,
Sew my seams when I’m bleeding out
Hundred wrongs, pulling strings
Count forever through a long night
Ready always
Safety by the fault line
Made it by our own grace
Steady for the hold tight
From an old place
Met you in a past life
Undefined soul mate
Say it’s about us
Say it’s about us
You always find a way to trust in me
It just seems it’s our luck
We still seem to hold up
You take us high
I don’t wanna go back to being on my own
Say you’ll stay this time
I could never go without you here by me
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12. |
rain (interlude)
01:08
|
|||
There are times the sky cried with us
Mother’s tears falling with the delicate love
That reminds you that this feeling is meant to be felt
But there are times when it is cacophonous
Every drop holding the weight of a thousand unanswered questions
Each one carrying truth that we are forced to face from a place of uncertainty
Time ticks on and I am no longer clinging to a false ideal
But I still don’t have the courage to properly reconcile
|
||||
13. |
patience
02:57
|
|||
Death a stone’s throw, just another day
Find myself alone in another place, longer I stay
All I’ve ever known is to run away
Just another home with a wall
For my broken clock face
Cemented the ceiling to feeling old ways
The image is filling in with my gall
But I’m tall when I get involved
Pivot through all phase
And everything’s better in a step-by-step way
A silent promise to never be something secondary
Build a wall when necessary
But when February came and the cemetery went ablaze
Ghosts from the past making pleasantries
I wasn’t ready
You and me don’t lose things, we only forgot
Patience is all I have for now
Even if we’ve been ready to go
Patience is all I ask for
Lazy dose of time, sold you blind
Don’t you hide your eyes away
Comfort in numb embrace
Patience is all I ask for
Death a stone’s throw, just another day
Find myself alone in another place, longer I stay
All I’ve ever known is to run away
Just another home with a wall
For my broken clock face
Only if it all made sense
The keeping a distance arms length
And hiding those dents
And armored defense
The fear of false credit keeps you authentic
Your own mess is your own mess, I get it
But comparison’s a poison only few can afford
Skip the character in favor of lore
Find my way back to the place I ignore
Say my greeting to the man at the door
You and me don’t lose things, we only forgot
Patience is all I have for now
Even if we’ve been ready to go
Patience is all I ask for
Lazy dose of time, sold you blind
Don’t you hide your eyes away
Comfort in numb embrace
Patience is all I ask for
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14. |
winds (prelude)
00:33
|
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Feel it in my bones when I breathe in your essence
Filling up my lungs keep me one with the present
Going up in smoke let it flow
Wear it all out, ‘til it all comes down
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15. |
winds
03:23
|
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Came to terms with my demons,
We cohabit with reason
Found a solace in nature taking leaves with the seasons
Centered my breath, a minute kept
Send up the beacon
I was down for a moon or two, the stars had me tweaking
Wind came through like Ang was whippin’ it, Yip Yip
Times hands on the dial still ticking, that’s off rip
Yeah I know it’s been a while, went missing
But don’t trip
I’ve been tapping into gold ammunition
The order of the white lotus moves in the dark
Kept my mind in one piece, can’t say the same for my heart
I’ll sort it out in my sleep, high price for relief
My subconscious will handle it
Balance found in release
Cause we got the type of love that runs deep in your bloodstream
The type that outsurvives the blunt trauma of hushed dreams
Reminiscing on what I used to think love means
A cool breeze rustles leaves off of an old tree
Our hearts breathe
I braced for fall
The weight had grown too much for me
And I ain’t as tall as they had all hoped I could be
How is it the world’s been tripping out waiting for me?
No no, safe and sound cause these things just come around
Patient relief
Used to blame others for my insufficiencies
Like the leaves blaming the wind in autumn
Go ahead, light up another cheap thrill
Easy kill to the boredom
Be still let your thoughts find their order
Need change, that’s the way these things go
But it don’t make it easy
Truth bleeds from these poems, you don’t have to believe me
Anxiety’s got us living with that constant fear
Show concern - just enough to keep your conscious clear
Keep them fangs closed here
Blank prose we kept near
Turned to songs we sang for ‘em just to fall on deaf ears
Can’t lie, my pride stung
Kind of thing you outgrow
Kind of thing you try to not let show
Let yourself go and float
Time helps with the cope
Trees bend with the wind
The secret hidden to most
I refocused with a knowledge of self
Came out my baptism soaked
The winds dried left a new found hope
My heart spoke
I braced for fall
The weight had grown too much for me
And I ain’t as tall as they had all hoped I could be
How is it the world’s been tripping out waiting for me?
No no, safe and sound cause these things just come around
Patient relief
|
||||
16. |
momentary (outro)
00:30
|
|||
The winds setting the stage for dark clouds
Rolling in stage right
The spotlight shines for only a moment
Sometimes that moment is all we need
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